joy.

Sometimes I like to think I’ve got faith figured out. I feel like I’ve learned a few things, had a dramatic return to Christ after years of wandering, read some books, and can clap my hands together and say “done and done.” But these last few months have been a weird time of God exposing to me how broken my understanding of his love is. How twisted and how false my beliefs are. And recently he showed me that with a dead bird, a homecoming and a single letter.

As I’ve mentioned 92 times, I’m reading through the Bible with some friends right now. I’ve joked a few times that the book of Leviticus is the “one year plan killer.” It’s the book that has often knocked my out of the running for actually reading through the Bible in a year. It’s full of mold regulations and verses that tell you how to determine what hair color means in the middle of a sore and oh man, I stop reading. That was the attitude I took with me as I marched into the L.

But because the Bible isn’t a book, but the Word of God, every line, every verse has the potential to blow you away. And Leviticus 14 did. Is it dramatic? Is it earthshaking? Not at first glance. The verses that caught me are about, you guessed it, mold regulations.

Here is what verses 49-53 say:

“To purify the house, he (a priest) is to take two birds and some cedar wood, scarlet yarn and hyssop. He shall kill one of the birds over fresh water in a clay pot. Then he is to take the cedar wood, the hyssop, the scarlet yarn and the live bird, dip them into the blood of the dead bird and the fresh water, and sprinkle the house seven times. He shall purify the house with the bird’s blood, the fresh water, the live bird the cedar wood, the hyssop and the scarlet yarn. Then he is to release the live bird in the open fields outside the town. In this way he will make atonement for the house, and it will be clean.”

I’ve read those verses a number of times before but this time, something hit me, a question I couldn’t shake:

“Do you think the bird who was freed, the live bird who represented being forgiven, walked when it was released in the fields or did it soar?”

The other bird paid the price. Freedom was bought at a cost. Atonement was paid with a life. Knowing that, seeing that, do you think the second bird refused to fly when it was released? Do you think it quietly tucked its wings and scurried about the ground?

Of course not. Having escaped death, having escaped that moment, it probably could not fly high enough or fast enough into the sky. It jumped loudly into the freedom of forgiveness.

I don’t. I don’t celebrate God’s mercy or grace that way. I am like the prodigal son, returning home to be a hired hand. I act like forgiveness is something to be earned, not celebrated. I am not an heir to the throne, I am a hired hand to the throne. But, I am wrong.

That’s why I continue to come back to the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15. When he returns to the farm and finds himself in the father’s embrace, there is only one sentence of his plan that the father will not let him say: “Make me like one of your hired men.”

I don’t think he was allowed to say it because it couldn’t be true. He was his son, that was his identity, not his employee.

I mess grace up so often and have confused it in my head for so many years. I finally just confessed to God, “You know how I think. You know how I’ve trained myself to believe for years and years. I can’t rewire myself. I can’t sanctify me. Only you can. I need you to transform the way I look at grace.” And the prayer that came from that confession and the hope I have for you and me is simple:

“Help me live in the joy of forgiveness, not the job of forgiveness.”

Those two words might feel similar, joy and job are only a single letter apart, but they are worlds away from each other. I pray we will be that bird who does not run, but instead flies. Who looks at what Christ did for us on the cross. The sacrifice, the mercy, the grace and that we will not try to earn it when we return to the farm, but will instead accept it. Fly in it. Celebrate it. And know the joy of forgiveness.

relevant.

If you ever want to really insult a Christian, say the following:

“I don’t think you’re relevant.”

That is our kryptonite. The idea of irrelevance keeps us up at night. Seriously, if someone doesn’t find us to be relevant than we’re probably going to need to scratch everything we have been doing and immediately go into a planning meeting to regain momentum. Irrelevance is simply unacceptable.

The weird thing though is that in some ways, Jesus was the perfect example of what it means to be “irrelevant.” Think about it. His message was the exact opposite of what was going on in the world. People were expecting a strong, powerful, forceful savior and instead got a baby. The powers that be were drunk on the law and He preached against their hypocrisy. He shunned the people that were relevant and hung out with the irrelevant, the tax collectors, hookers and sinners. Now granted you could argue that to a world hungry for truth, the truth of Christ was very relevant, but I’m just saying it’s an interesting thought exercise.

Think about it...does our desire to be "relevant" outweigh our desire for Christ and spreading His gospel?  Last time I checked, our calling to make disciples is MUCH greater than our call to relevancy.  

love.

January was a good month.

I’ve been doing regular quiet times.

I’ve been meeting for accountability with a good friend I trust.

I have a new CD coming out.

I read and FINISHED 4 books.

I lost 10 pounds and have been eating healthier.

I was mentally reviewing that list in my head the other night while driving around when I bumped into a tragic lie I was unaware I still believed.

As I drove, I thought to myself, “God must be really happy. He must really love me right now.” In the space of a single stride, I felt like God leveled a long held belief and asked me simply, “Did I love the prodigal son more when he was in the pigpen or in my arms?”

Ugh. Sometimes I feel like those old commercials where they say, “I’m not a doctor but I play one TV.” Only I would say, “I’m not a Christian, I just play one on a stage or a blog.”

Why? Because my thought that God loves me when I have a “good month” is so opposite of what grace is. In my version of the prodigal son story, I am covered with mud. From a long way off I can see the father’s angry face. He is enraged. He is disgusted with me. His scowl seems to radiate from miles as I walk. As I walk, I shout out promises to him:

“I’ll do better this time!”

“I’ll stop being so cocky!”

“I won’t mess up again!”

“I’ll stop gossiping!”

“I’ll be more consistent with my quiet time!”

“I’m sorry!”

With each step, every shout, his face shifts a little. His anger seems to dissipate the closer I get and the louder I make my promises. I walk and shout, shout and walk until at last, I cross his property line and collapse on his farm. Not in his arms, but at least in his presence.

He gives me his love, in the form of a shiny token. I clutch it close and swear to never lose sight of it again. For weeks, I hold my breath, afraid to mess up. For weeks I white knuckle my way through life convinced that living on the farm is about being perfect, not forgiven. I hold it together. For a while at least, but then the pressure of performing crushes me. Being perfect gets so heavy. I can’t do this. I can’t.

So I lean on the fence and look back over the horizon to the pigpen. I just want to relax. I can’t be perfect. This feels really hard. So late one night, when I think everyone is asleep, I use the token, the coin that is God’s love to prop open the gate. I can just barely squeeze through the gap if I’m willing to leave the father’s love propped in place.

And then I’m gone, running out into the night, the father’s love, the coin, the thing I earned left far behind. I deserved it when I was perfect, I lost it when I was not. Weeks or months later, I’ll realize the misery of the pigpen again and start to walk back home. And the cycle continues.

I’m tired of that kind of faith. I’m tired of believing in a God who gives “sometimes love.” As in sometimes he loves me, sometimes he does not. And above all, I’m tired of believing in a God who does not love sinners. Especially since there are a billion verses in the Bible that say just the opposite. One of my favorite is Matthew 9:10-13.

“While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Falling down, being broken and a sinner doesn’t prevent me from his love, it makes me perfect for his love. It makes me exactly who Christ came for, not the righteous, but sinners. And it’s not a gift he gives once, because I sacrificed and had a good January. It’s a gift he gives continually, like mercy.

Why?

Because he loves us.

In his arms.

In the pigpen.

He loves us.

testimony.

Have you ever met someone that seemed bored by their own testimony? While they are telling it you can see them thinking inside, “I wish this was more interesting.” I know a couple like that. Whenever he tells his testimony people in the room start crying. And then they laugh and then they think and reflect on their own lives. His testimony is like a George Lucas epic adventure. And then when his wife tries to follow that she usually says something like this:

“I grew up in the church. I gave my life to Christ when I was 5 years old. I had a sip of a Zima alcoholic beverage in high school and felt really convicted. I rededicated my life to God.”

It’s a pretty dull story, but on some level being given a new life should never be deemed as “dull,” regardless of the details. On some level, we should all be happy with our stories. And, I’ve never met someone that recovered from a horrible car accident, defying the odds to live again and heard them say, “Yeah, I mean my recovery is cool, it’s nice that I am where I am, but I wish I could have been crippled for a little while. Not forever, but just long enough so that I had to learn to walk again and could have been more dramatic and sweaty and maybe been in a Garth Brooks video.”

Think about it.  We all have a story.  It's a simple one.  We were lost.  Hopeless.  Desperate.  God saw us in our need and saved us.  Juicy details or not, that's enough to make anyone rejoice!  Be encouraged.  YOU are a child of the King!  He loves you no matter how significant or insignificant you think your life's story is!  That in itself is nothing short of incredible!  

love ya'll!!  

-kellan

faithful.

"Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth 
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; 
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, 
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!" 

Probably my favorite verse from my favorite hymn, Great Is Thy Faithfulness.  Too often lately I have been reminded in subtle, and some not so subtle ways of the faithfulness of God.  It is so funny to me how God, in His impeccable sense of humor, reminds me that He still has everything under control and the He ALWAYS keeps His promises.  How often we forget that we serve a God that promised us so many times in His word that He would never leave us hanging.  Our society as a whole, myself included, has become such a cynical people that we would doubt that the God who loved us enough to create us and the die for us would leave us hanging to fend for ourselves!!!  Guess what...He doesn't leave us.  Ever.  Our God keeps His promises, does what He says He will do and that includes His incredible provision for His children.  

I know that some of you are struggling.  We see it everywhere we go and to to be honest, we struggle to.  People have and will continue to fail you.  People will let you down.  Life gets tough sometimes.  But can I promise you something??  We serve a God who will NOT fail us!  A God who keeps His promises.  I am living proof of that!  He offers us strength for today and a bright hope for tomorrow!  Be encouraged.  The Bible says that "He is the same yesterday, today and forever."  He won't change and will ALWAYS be faithful!

the Lord's good!

-kellan

p.s.  keep checking back in for more blog updates and check out our all new website!!  Be looking for us in a town near you!!   Can't wait to see ya'll!   :)

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